It is our choices that we make, that show us what we are, far more than our abilities.

In the Name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful        I want to start writing again as I realise its importance.      A lot has happened! The last time I blogged was in November 2013. Seven years ago. Just as I stepped into Adulthood after conscription (referred to as National Service in Singapore, or NS for short), I also stopped blogging due to everything that was happening to me and around me.      Bad mistake! If I had kept on blogging it would have helped me organise my thoughts and articulate myself better. It would have been a healthy stress-coping mechanism. Not to mention the issues I had to deal with, I could have made better decisions because of taking a knee and re-evaluating myself and the situation.     But no matter! At least now, I realise, what a fundamental activity blogging is to my cognitive abilities. Better late than never. It certai...

Its November...I'm faced with a new enemy...the economy and how it operates Since Completing NS I've been trying to get a job that traditionally would pay me $1800, 8 hr work day & 1 hr break with 14 days MC, 60 days hospitalization leave dental benefits and other related work benefits...to no avail... Sadly, alot had changed in the 2 years that i have been conscripted... Before NS in 2010, i could still find jobs that was 'traditional' for diploma holders After NS in 2012 it had become impossible. Ok where do we start...PAY! It used to be, that diploma holders would be paid $1800- as a standard market rate Now its $1300~$1400 It used to be, how well your skills and qualifications are  and how done up your resume is  and how you perform in your job interview  that would determine getting a job or not Now its more abt your connections  and ppl you know  and networks you have that can land you in a job OR how much...

I have a dream... A crazy dream... A Vision... (Inshaal l ah! I 'll fufill this! ) That is to establish an Islamic Institution consisting of provision shops that operate 24-7 and the product's prices are Just and are as per the shariah laws following the Qur'an AND Sunnah by the s trictest S tandards . Imagine walking into an o utlet, being greeted with a smile and Salaam by the store assistants and you hear Islamic songs or nasheeds playing in the background and helpful staff to attend to your needs. As you do your shopping you know that you are  NOT cheated of your money being over charged or  NOT caught up in a monopoly of artificial price fixing or  NOT discovering later that you were cheated to buy sth that was marketed to you falsely/in lie.  This store is a place where, when you give support through spending there, would eventually make the unjust businesses make a run for their money or go out of business.  Where, all of its goods ar...

YO! After ORD now im the real world finally... I have a ten year goal... 1. to become a businessman 2. to become a ustatz 3 to become a psychologist These are my interests in life and these roles and its responsibilities are who i am and who i would be... so my 1st goal...to be a businessman and start a business by june 2014... im currently in the process of it all... on a side note...hopefully im able to become engaged to sharifah by the end of this year with a stable income from part time jobsss.... lets see how it goes inshaallah!

FINALLY!!! IM DONE WITH NATIONAL SERVICE!!!! WOOOOHOOOO!!!!

i know its been more than a month tat i didnt blog but here i am again! i've been keeping myself sane by focusing on my assignments and trying to complete my diploma in Islamic studies...its really tough and challenging but im in it to win it so...aint no way im givin up! my ns duty has been good and slack so i get free time to do my assignment...its still a bitch though!! with 8 more months to go i already started planning what steps to take after that...i will post abt it at a latter later date... Sharifah and i have been NOT meeting up with SUCKS! cuz of things and shit but we do make some time for each other once in a while...like when we went to the night safari and zoo which was soo FUN!! but we didn't get much done in the zoo as it was raining tat day so we ended up watching movie and eating out!! the romance of being in romance...hiazzzz.... now i gotta few goals to achieve this year which is going to be epic!!!! im gonna do my best to get it done...

Whooo! i got transferred recently! guess wat?! the work load is soooooo little.... its like the work load for a day in the previous post is like the workload in a month in this post! im serious!! its THAT relaxed!! Allhamdulillah! (All praise to God!)

Tired....im sooo tired...im so full of things to do.... i dont know wat to do... im just soo tired to think abt anything at all... in this consciousness known as life im in, my patience is wearily wearing thin, In all the wars and battles humanity has been in, the battle for your mind, is the worst place to see yourself in, with undying consistency it all happens again and again to map the very neuron-networks in your own brain on one side you have a choice, on the other, just pure conditioning, till you conform and they reward you, for your compliance in grade and rank,  just so you know, I DONT WANT TO BE PROMOTED!! for im not like them, im just different and i want to be different, but in this society, built around this system (even the opposition party has gone thru NS and they want a 'check and balance' and not change in the system...) i cant conform and accept it, at all!! its become such a social norm,even in my own family, some1 said i deserved...

SORRRYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! that i was gone for a bit too long.... its getting to me all this slavery slowly killing me....im kinda getting conditioned ready!! aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! so...as today is the 1st DEC 2011 im starting anew here 1. Journal everyday abt new findings! 2. Take personality test weekly and closely monitor any changes! 3. Pray 5x everyday! 4. Read Qur'an everyday! YEAH!!!

Its been long since i've blogged and pretended that the whole world would read!! So (imaginary) readers! check it out! Im doing the rest of my wreathed NS (16 more months) as a Staff Assistant (thank god im not 1 of the front line idiots) at the Behavioral Sciences Unit which is a sister Unit of Police Psychology Services Department after i was interviewed by a panel and posted there. It focuses mainly on research from forensic psychology, though it includes a bit of everything else as well, as psychology being psychology tends to be... i work ard government [ =( ] Psychologists and assist them with any office work that which they may require to conduct their research training, focus group discussions and meetings...even evaluation and data entry work...HEY! at least its not police work!!! besides its good experience for me on how to NOT be a psychologist and instead how to truely be one.... i get to learn more abt psychology and its applications and even dry topics like statis...

ALOT of things have been going on....so i didnt have time to blog....or pretty much do anything else... alot of issues im tackling and managing...stress is killing me really...but right now..... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhdoZJeWB_E

Last week of camp life....i am sooooo looking forward to P.O.P!!! Hope i get good posting...and near my house cuz transport expensive!! my experience in camp is drawing to an end and im like trying to juggle alot of things: -Re-condition, unlearn and understand the cognitive modifications and mental models involved in the government and social conditioning -To draw out the similarities and differences in the various uniform group's conditioning -Complete my research address validity and reliability issues and address it in a systemic perspective in relation to Singapore and its collective mindset -Learn meaning of known surahs -learn meaning of solat surah's -learn other dua's used in daily life and practice -learn and use daily life phrases in Islamic tradition and culture -learn new surahs -learn more about the Prophet Muhammad and sahabahs their life and Islamic history and civilization -learn new zikir and practice as well as meditate and re start zikir...

less than 3 weeks till i break free completely form the conditioning im subjected to u know where...cant wait...but at the same time... will i still be able to do my prayers 5x a day? will i be able to complete my "observational learning" session minimizing the thorny issue of impartiality, validity and reliability? will the rest of the 1 year and 6mths of NS be more sucky or better as a cause of my posting? where will i go further my studies...spore? or overseas? how will i get myself out of the system? and where am i going to migrate to? BIG qns at the crossroads of life.....reality is but an illusion as this world is only temporary.... There! i feel better now...whatever tat may happen is a test from god to bring his slave nearer onto him... he is closer to me than my jugular veins so why worry doubt or fear? life is here at present is near, now...

27th may POP....between 23rd april and 31 may elections....times gonna run fast....we all know who's gonna win...we all know wat we have to do and be democratic... but right now...i wanna talk abt my no. 1 value which i believe in....and why its in my 1. in my list of values and beliefs that make up my identity... WILL tats where it all begins...even life in-itself, in our very consciousness in staying conscious...our every movement takes will...every breath, every action, every choice... i have been watching anime/cartoon since very young...i vividly remember watching dragonball Z and teenage mutant ninja turtles...they influenced me alot...later in my life i would go on to learn martial arts (aikido...the way of the ki) and learn more abt will.... i watched anime one piece...10 years of one piece....10 years of luffy...always being willing....always smiling...i aslo watch naruto and bleach...they all influenced me... soon after as i grew up with all the adversity around ...

Hey another post haha! yesterday, i was thinking abt reality...thinking wat is reality...cuz in islam and in the west reality is perceived very differently...than i realised wat im seeing with my very eyes is not wat my eyes really see...so i took of my glasses.... i  kinda got sad cuz all i saw was a blur of shapes and colors...i couldnt see details...smiles frowns twitches stares winks tiredness sleepiness and stuff... than i walked by a pigion...and wondered wat it would be like to see the world with its eyes...u know...birds have pretty good vision...than i started counting the types of birds (1.the common mynah{has yellow beak and claws}2.the common crow{extremely intelligent slender body with a long beak good @ flying} 3.the small brown bird {sorry i dont know its name} 4.the common pigion {fat fat birds tat sometimes have white variations in color} 5. my fav. the common swift {tat has a kite-like shape built for speed and maneuverability to catch insects like dragon flies...

Life goes on till i get it back... love goes on till im committed in... bonds are tested situation shifted but wat is life without some problems ai?.... still i wont let them get to me, for i am rafi, im meant to be free...  im definitely gonna publish a book or an academic journal into all the research i've been doing over the past few months...its been a blast and there's still more to come...i feel tat my skills have improved somewhat considerably but i still gotta a loooong way to go b4 i get there....i need experience...i need more knowledge im burning inside to get there where i wanna be...a psychologist...the best tat eva was... i WILL get there or die trying...i wont give up no matter how hard it feels like (new skills are hard at first wat...) and i would do it and i know it, its freaky,  cuz i would rather try and die than to lie and cry....cuz i hate being helpless and being at the bottom of the pile...so i will work like a manic just to get there... but i wo...

i POP(Pass Out Parade....i rather call it Pass Out Programed...for the rest of your life) on the 27th of may....or so they say....i want to get out of there asap...its starting to get to me but i wont back down.... nowadays i feel irritated and frustrated easily cuz of changes around me 5 days a week...dangers more like...i am not gonna yield....i can only be me....no 1 else....for I'm 1 helluva guy, a Muslim, a psychologist a teacher and a successful businessman...i can only do wat i can do only if i want to only if i choose to...i choose to keep who i am my identity tat i worked out and became more aware of and gained insight from over the last few years....i am NOT wat they want me to be cuz im ALREADY aware...

life is "soo goood"...as my friend ryan says it....hehe! i put my heart, mind and soul into it....consequences? FLOW!!!..... i focused and focused on improving my skills as a student of psychology and im FINALLY seeing results.... u see, in psychology 1 must be able to apply wateva they have learned....but u see, application without sound knowledge in theory would be weak....so wat i did is try and improve on it day by day....also i considered looking at things from a systemic perspective....and really studying the social processes in place forms the system with consideration to a whole range of factors...tat worked out so well for me! i am who i am because of how i came to be....i choose to see myself as a Muslim a psychologist a teacher a businessman...my passion is people and i know now wat want to aspire to be....but these different roles need different skills but right now im focusing on becoming a psychologist.... ESPECIALLY now tat im faced with the adversity of a...

yo! im doing great but at this point in  time im getting very sleepy....i have a few things left undone to study up on social psychology and grp dynamics as well as behaviorism....and organise ideas in my head for BU$$INE$$ haha....zzzzzzz

i am rafi.... and in my mind i am free... i love myself and my own identity.... i may not look much but i attract life to whoever i see... people dont realize it....just let it be..... i will not die away for i am here to forever stay.... i am of that personality.... tat makes his mark wherever he may be.... so this part of me i treasure alot u see.... so why must i change and conform to society?  man-made laws and man-made rules dont apply to me.... for i am a leader and i choose my own destiny.... if u dont like my values and beliefs....i always have others....can u see?.... its funny the system wants to change me.... but i understand how it works rationally.... so psychologically i study... in the artificial environment tat im forced to be....thru observation and long reflection while im on light duty.... its funny... how quick people change its scary.... but i believe change is the only constant there is...see? its funny how feelings can come to be but feelings are beaut...