im inconsistent...

heavy heart mixed with all sorts of things...but after the run light as butterfly...

(LOVE RUNNING, LOVE ADRENALINE!!)

but the issues are still there...
i know now tat no 1 might really care...

but if they do...tank u

n i'll respond back to u...

i have come to realise the seriousness of an issue...

if i dont resolve it i may never come to have a strong core stable I.D. as it would contradict it...

already happenin...

wat i long for is a sweetheart...

i dont ask much cuz im independent thus i meet my own needs...

but when im down when im tired when my hands shake n go numb n sth trigger me enough to kill me,

will whoever she is reach out for me OR
leave @ the sight of the cracked mirror

will she be selfish OR
will she also look as US n consider me too 
will she allow me to take the lead and work with me OR

want things her way all the time

will she stay by my side OR
cheat on me / leave for a better guy

will she purposely hurt OR
keep quiet OR will she sit down practically to talk n solve problems maturely

will she share power n control OR
want to be the queen OR a baby
will she blame n judge OR
will she talk with a basis

will she be understanding OR
will she be demanding

such qns show 1 thing for sure...tat such a relationship has no depth or quality...

c if u dont stay true n hide away stuff ultimately u form a roof over your head

as to how far the relationship can actually progress n aso the intimacy...so u sure get bored...
but yes...must have boundaries and limits...or u will lose yourself...
tank god i can see this...

for i had a very different kinda relationship than most teens (tank u n never again EX)...

adult love may be selfish love...but the love that has evolved, hardened, withstood changes n the toil of time ic in the elderly is the most purest n truest form of love...

(as there is no intent behind) like a baby smiling @ u but u dont c y...

such a love is my aim...cuz my family n relatives all the love so very...
ahem*screwed up* ahem...
ESP. my own family...parents not friends in the 1st place to be a couple...not husband n wife let alone be parents...big sis...1st 1 no comments...2nd 1 way tooo controlling...typical indian...
but she very persuasive n sly n cunning...so not a big issue...
brother...hiaz...my younger sis...sigh....

but me gonna be a change agent...

n show the future generations to come as a live example...

tis shit aint abt only me...NTH i do is...
if only u could c how i c...

than u would know...my reality...