ok...lets start with sth good and happy...had an outing with raj n jannat....was like he best remedy from work ah...seriously...we went 2 breakfast 2gether....and our dear sis jannat did so many funny things tat i just couldnt stop laughing...esp AFTER i breakfast she made me laugh till i NEARLY vomit sia...tats not all...4 the first time in my life...i saw her eat waaayyy more than me...like how wei tin ate 2day...is it me having a change of eating habits and the way tat i've been feeling lately or is it them i dont know...than 2day had another outing with wei tin n gang...waz quite relaxed although the place i went to kinda triggered me...was fun....eating 2gether n taking pics...i not really photogenic sia...oh well...im still 1 hella of a guy!!!...i want to go out with H.L milk next...like every time he call me out i cant make it sia...the both outings aso cram sia...into my timetable...
from my last post,
wat have i already learned....
to mediate and pray...
1st is center holding...
2nd is colour technique (alpha level)...
3rd is salawat...
4th stomach
and lastly ring n thumb stance
others
RUNNING...tank u god 4 my limbs...
WRITING...tank u 4 the pen n paper...
FREESTYLING...still bad at it...
LISTENIN TO SONGS AND SINGING ALONG!!! (ASO VERY HELPFUL)
so tis is how i plan to work on myself...by applying and seeing how it goes...
character.
i finally get it...i c it...i c the point in n of it... thank u god 4 showing tis to me...back when i waz very notorious i came across tis banner in sec sch tat quote sth like, a man's greatest tresure is his character.alwayz being a 5 old kid who could'nt help but keep asking "why???" i asked...now ic...i choose to believe in tat saying tat time...and it became like a lighthouse tat offers sight when the seas are rough with shallow waters hiding the jagged rocks n them boulders...ic...in another perspective...just how i didnt end up like others who were eventually blown away...
i aso read in the quran that only the people with the highest standards of character will be able to reach the 7th heaven...and it makes sense...all the ethics classes and wat all religions preach fundamentally...character...i gonna work on mine...promise!
ok sth triggered me very very badly n past few dayz getting worse...so here goes...
wat i am is wat the hell i am.i really hate others trina impose or influence their views on me...the whole world including things and people and ideas (systemic perspective) has its own values, identity n culture...im, in all honesty hate ppl telling me wat to do or do tis kinda shit on me...i may be blur...but not dumb enough to not know who i am...i've been working o myself since the course started n have changed alot...so i know better now who i am...listen...
i just dont wanna get hurt so badly any more...i dont wanna go back to thoughts of suicide and extreme feelings of depression...i just dont wanna have to go back to tat thinking tat:no matter wat i do...no matter wat i try or say or put my life, soul, heart, sweat n tears...is not gonna work or nth will change or it will be all in vain...is tat too much to ask?
i just wanna live a quiet and peaceful life filled with love...i dont wanna die on the inside again...i dont want to become a zombie wallowing in his own self pity and sorrow and misery...so please WORLD...leave me be...let me, let be...is tiring enough already to go thru the day with shaking hands tat tells me "your body needs rest" yeah...i got fear of my own fitness...so now i already kenna shake ready...don't take advantage of me when im vulnerable...like i said i'm afraid of myself...
control n power
the only thing i REALLY want to control...is myself...
among the things tat triggers me...aso tis show last friend...i didnt have an identity in my previous relationships...end up...becuz i actually a very loving person inside they always control me or make me do shit...wats in it for me?...silence lingers...so i died...again n again...than she leaves...aft all tat i done 4 her...bullshit...without a reason whatsoever...than u came back...soon after...than i felt u...cuz u were going back to your old ways...than i changed...like forever...
i wish i was not like tis...so helpless to do anything abt shit even though i can see the future and where the "now" would flow to...i c a world filled with bliss and beauty...but also a world filled with tis...if i ever die tmr...i dare say i have lived long enough to experience life...in a world tats so unfair...at least i can choose to care...even though it can be a double edged knife...oh well...better than being a jerk a joker is...but im not a joker...oni part of me is...im much more complex than tat..
competition...
ppl dont climb mount everest or high buildings to conquer the land...but they do it to conquer themselves...i learnt tis putting myself in doing soo much shit...tats the truth...simple huh?
honesty...sincerity...sth tat i learnt tat i would never forget...okok...no more...seriously...i'll stop here...cannot ready...
from my last post,
wat have i already learned....
to mediate and pray...
1st is center holding...
2nd is colour technique (alpha level)...
3rd is salawat...
4th stomach
and lastly ring n thumb stance
others
RUNNING...tank u god 4 my limbs...
WRITING...tank u 4 the pen n paper...
FREESTYLING...still bad at it...
LISTENIN TO SONGS AND SINGING ALONG!!! (ASO VERY HELPFUL)
so tis is how i plan to work on myself...by applying and seeing how it goes...
character.
i finally get it...i c it...i c the point in n of it... thank u god 4 showing tis to me...back when i waz very notorious i came across tis banner in sec sch tat quote sth like, a man's greatest tresure is his character.alwayz being a 5 old kid who could'nt help but keep asking "why???" i asked...now ic...i choose to believe in tat saying tat time...and it became like a lighthouse tat offers sight when the seas are rough with shallow waters hiding the jagged rocks n them boulders...ic...in another perspective...just how i didnt end up like others who were eventually blown away...
"The only thing that walks back from the tomb with the mourners
and refuses to be buried is the character of a man. What a man is
survives him. It can't be buried." J.R. Miller
i aso read in the quran that only the people with the highest standards of character will be able to reach the 7th heaven...and it makes sense...all the ethics classes and wat all religions preach fundamentally...character...i gonna work on mine...promise!
ok sth triggered me very very badly n past few dayz getting worse...so here goes...
wat i am is wat the hell i am.i really hate others trina impose or influence their views on me...the whole world including things and people and ideas (systemic perspective) has its own values, identity n culture...im, in all honesty hate ppl telling me wat to do or do tis kinda shit on me...i may be blur...but not dumb enough to not know who i am...i've been working o myself since the course started n have changed alot...so i know better now who i am...listen...
i just dont wanna get hurt so badly any more...i dont wanna go back to thoughts of suicide and extreme feelings of depression...i just dont wanna have to go back to tat thinking tat:no matter wat i do...no matter wat i try or say or put my life, soul, heart, sweat n tears...is not gonna work or nth will change or it will be all in vain...is tat too much to ask?
i just wanna live a quiet and peaceful life filled with love...i dont wanna die on the inside again...i dont want to become a zombie wallowing in his own self pity and sorrow and misery...so please WORLD...leave me be...let me, let be...is tiring enough already to go thru the day with shaking hands tat tells me "your body needs rest" yeah...i got fear of my own fitness...so now i already kenna shake ready...don't take advantage of me when im vulnerable...like i said i'm afraid of myself...
control n power
the only thing i REALLY want to control...is myself...
among the things tat triggers me...aso tis show last friend...i didnt have an identity in my previous relationships...end up...becuz i actually a very loving person inside they always control me or make me do shit...wats in it for me?...silence lingers...so i died...again n again...than she leaves...aft all tat i done 4 her...bullshit...without a reason whatsoever...than u came back...soon after...than i felt u...cuz u were going back to your old ways...than i changed...like forever...
i wish i was not like tis...so helpless to do anything abt shit even though i can see the future and where the "now" would flow to...i c a world filled with bliss and beauty...but also a world filled with tis...if i ever die tmr...i dare say i have lived long enough to experience life...in a world tats so unfair...at least i can choose to care...even though it can be a double edged knife...oh well...better than being a jerk a joker is...but im not a joker...oni part of me is...im much more complex than tat..
competition...
ppl dont climb mount everest or high buildings to conquer the land...but they do it to conquer themselves...i learnt tis putting myself in doing soo much shit...tats the truth...simple huh?
The only real enemy...is yourself...
honesty...sincerity...sth tat i learnt tat i would never forget...okok...no more...seriously...i'll stop here...cannot ready...
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