It is our choices that we make, that show us what we are, far more than our abilities.

aye yo! assignments are here (first due date 17 nov) have no fear  for it keeps u in check it keeps u in track because i cant afford to fail in life as well  i'll do well! but wats the point, without a sweetheart, u might ask to share my life with a sweetheart, an ultimate task so to prepare, mature n learn skills, from dawn till dusk to be able to survive on your own to be able to fulfil the duty to our parents to chase after life with the will of a knife to dare to care, even thru u can get hurt, just bare dont stop trusting cuz your almost there (just be careful next time) but hey, watch my 6 as i get my ticks life is bittersweet like a lolly u can lick its almost time now to get back to the tricks time to focus now so pause the chick flicks...yeah!     sometimes in life...you have to learn to let go for it is harder n more painful to hold on to the sword... watch tis video to fully understand... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x...

yesterday a man approached me while i was on the way to sch writing new material (like finally)...he seemed scared n lost n hungry...all too familiar...seemed like he was from china but stayed in malaysia somehow...accent aso seemed like a malaysian...he was drenched in sweat the smell of fear and anxiety coupled with his delivery of speech which was fast and inconsistent... he approached me asking for directions to backtrack his way back to BOONLAY...imagine...he had walked all the way from there till QWEENSTOWN...crazy!!...he just couldnt calm down...his wallet and his passports were stolen n he had already made a report to the police who told him to get in contact with his relatives here to gat back home...he had come here for dental surgery...BUT...thing is...he didnt know how to get back to his relatives place in boonlay...n i tried to calm him down but couldnt...saw the fight or flight response first hand...so wat i did was to give him all my cash i had in me (he didnt ask la...

got 3 out of 4 of my exam results...oni 1 A...rest Bs...damm... :(  i soo damm depressed tat i never get all As...TIS SUCX... damm me for narrowing down so specifically on wat would make me happy... for no 1 would care abt my future... for no 1 would know the pain of being broke all the time... for no 1 would realise the reality of my situation... for no 1 would stay n would move on with another guy whose better than me... for no 1 would pause even for a moment to look at a street kid  lying beneath the lonely night under the bright street lights for no 1 would bother or care enough for no 1 would accept another failure in the family  for no 1 would understand the present cuz they dont understand the past of me for no 1 would try to help some1 being wasted away for no 1 would be the 1 to encourage and support n be there thru the ups n downs for no 1 would care without u being resourceful for no 1 would  want to be with a failure... dakara......i...

if u were with me... i would be there for u forever more if u were with me... i would care for u every single day more than the light tat emits from the sun if u were with me... i would help u go through life's difficulties, with u, together if u were with me... i would make sure your safe to the very last breath tat i take if u were with me... i would treasure n cherish u n never take u for granted if u were with me... i wouldn't be able to promise u not to hurt u (as, in a relationship there would be ups n downs) but i would promise u never to hurt u enough to harm u(thereby reducing the downs to an extent) u know my style... if u were with me... i would handle u, when u scream at me,with patience n let u release all your pent up emotions, in hope tat u will feel better after... if u were with me... i would understand u n your fears and insecurities even before u tell it/show it out and help u deal with it with very clear thinking (whoever said it takes a wo...

okokok... time to blog.. all the way had deepavali outings saturday... went to raj hse for deepavali lunch n poovanesh hse for dinner raj house eat kuey...FRIED CHICKEN with rice and chicken curry with veg....nice nice... than we caught up with each other on our lives:wat he doing wat i doing saw his DSLR camera and his new obsession with aviation photography  than kinda talk abt girls and our aspirations on it... finally got some things happenin which i hoped for him!! all the best raj GAMBATTE!! poo house eat kuey...FRIED CHICKEN with rice and prawn sambal n mutton diced...nice nice saw her cousin sanjay...normal guy...but got prob. with women...seriously which guy hasn't?...damm okok back here...saw her dad n mom n house and spirtual state...quite good...analyse...lol now i understand her better...saw her cousins...so young but soo pretty... small world...cuz i saw my friends brother who is poo's brother's friend aso visit...cool ah?next day act...

life may become hard but im harder my dreams may be broken but im unbreakable i might die early but i'll go down shiny n pearly (than again...every1 dies wat...so...no issue here) friends may leave me but i have friends who are true, see? i might not get wat i want but i wont stop...i just cant sometimes things may not be tat fun but tat only means its yet to be begun so i say hi to life and joy join me keep up with me n let me show u a world of beauty...hehe... Women want men to be gentle on their bodies Men want women to be gentle on their hearts

so, heres the story... I went to dental app. yesterday...tis is how it went... as my lower jaw is supposedly smaller than normal n my upper jaw is longer than normal i needed braces + surgery to correct it... there would  risk as there would be bleeding  in it n 1 in 4 patients would lose sensation to their lower half of their face permanently. Than to add on there might be bleeding involved during the putting on of braces n subsequent follow-ups but as i had mild MVP (mitral value prolapse) i needed to be on antibiotics course whenever i need to go for dental treatments as because of the bleeding which would have bacteria tat would eventually go into the system via the stomach.  It would eventually go in the bloodstream n can get stuck in the heart at the flap where it is lose(research wat MVP is u'll understand...n y'all will also understand i have higher chances to kenna sudden death)...as the effects of antibiotics would go down becuz of the resistance tat w...

sometimes i wish i never knew u... sometimes im soo DAMM glad tat i met u... something tells me your perfect for me... i hold u dear u have no idea....yeah do i even stand a chance to let there be a world of possibilities between us wat do i do...your a friend, i believe is true... sometimes i feel im betraying u n our friendship... but i cant help it + your my type too... its soo easy to look at a person's  faults and errors and all but harder to look on their brighter side  like taking life on its lighter side c, everybody has thier own share of problems but at least unlike others i dare to take responsibility and accountability and make up for the mistakes i commit even though sometimes standing beneath the wet gloomy thunderstorm dripping rain with cold shaking hands things can get lonely  but god is always there for me... in the end...watever happens...promise me...to remember me... watever will i do? for my pain is real proves my love fo...

O thee flame in my heart...i ask of thee to... Burn... the will to will Burn... the will to live Burn... the will to survive Burn... the will to succeed Burn... the hunger for knowledge Burn... the power to make a difference, however small it may be Burn... the will for higher skill Burn... the desire to reach the next stage of evolution Burn... the will to be prepared Burn... the will to love Burn... the will to protect Burn... the passion u have towards people Burn... the will to shape your own destiny Burn... stronger...brighter...hotter Above all...Burn...the will to do more good for the sake of god O Sensai once said, "Fill your heart with heat and light" heat being knowledge and light being compassion...

yo! past few days didn't really do much cept watch anime n movies n excersice... thank god sch. reopening soon on Monday... i damm looking forward to it... exams r over so long ago but i still cant seem to really breathe a sigh of relief let alone celebrate...cuz i wan know the results...im very result orientated when it comes to exams cuz theres alot at stake...if i don't get As i sure would sink into depression...seriously!! oh gonna cut hair n do sth to it n buy new bag cuz old 1 die-ed... oh n need to setup study table for the new semester!! finally after waiting nearly coming 3 years my braces can be done  the app. is on coming tuesday...tis is such a big deal for me as i've been deeply affected by tis issue by the systemic perspective for soo many years now...it really affectED me...till i started tis course but now im managing myself better...n i feel good abt myself and everything tats happening tis year...for the first time in years i've been m...

hey hey hey...hi!! today i went out to shop at bugis n qweensway to buy stuff again...i found out tat u go bugis u must go on weekdays...cuz the pricing is diff. -.-" and waaaay cheaper...bought good stuff for good prices... {repression} now tat day when i go out with HL there was tis malay mena girl at 12 at nite approach us...kinda cute but can feel tat she got prob. ah...she poor kawaii thing didnt have coins to go back home...or maybe she starting work?! so we gave her some change n she tank n  left... {repression} alot ppl starting to ask me how to write songs and composing music to write songs to...FUN!!! tadatatatataaaa IM LOVING IT!!! I miss skating...tmr than...hehe!! ok ok time to marathon last friends...eh?...stop at episode wat ah??? quote "only in the darkest of times will mankind achieve greatness..."

yesterday... slack whole day watch anime inuyasha....than went excercise...really didnt feel like pushing myself n was more like stopping to smell the sweet nectar scent of flowers...love to jogg!!!! n c the world past by...but best part came aft the run... it's the time of the year when diff. kinda migratory birds from as far as south America would pit stop in s'pore at the ponggol river; at the park i always like to visit to calm down cuz the environment is as such...n i saw the first few batches coming aready...best part!! best part!!...i took pic of 2 of em like (love birds sia) at less than 50cm away...(don't know how come tat happened...maybe the vibes i give off ) like u can reach out to touch!! was wonderfull!! n saw em communicating to each other n eating food...worm n insects...but the gesture n bond those 2 shared which i saw up close n personal was reaaaaally AWESOME AH!! I guess i was and am and will be always surrounded by a world of beauty...cuz tats ...

Yesterday... went to qweenstown shopping centre to check stuff out aft going back sch 4 a while...had a look at good things to buy...but didnt...i very picky ah...than cam back home n quickly got into gear to excersise... (weird but funny...doll in display) i knew it would rain cuz the smell N temp. drop N gloomy sky N the icy wind...but i brought my phone along but didnt bring anything to stop it getting wet in case it rains...guess wat?...it rained!!! so i quickly got to shelter wiped my phone...n found plastic bag to cover it cuz i wanted to continue as...i want to ah...got back home dripping wet from head to toe in rain n sweat... so than aft tat went for ops SSS...play with fire till siao!!... cuz of lantern festival me friend H.L milk I n KUEY got together to play fire crackers sparklers n poppers n boom bags...been sooo long since i saw kuey...will always walk with him home as it was on my way...he looked like he lost weight...but best of all...he was happy in his...

Today went out bugis to c stuff to buy...than went off to excercise but couldnt cuz i haven recovered from the other day yet...still got lots things to buy...n must do sth abt my face... getting worse!! aaaaaaa!!! possessiveness jealousy  controlling all is the result of fear at the core... so if a guy is controlling in an unhealthy or wrong way... he's a chicken!!! But hold up with the labelling for a moment... how do guys deal with tis in a healthy way? if he dont know wat would u do to teach him? tis might be a draft answer...is simple actually...talk your fear out!!! like...if its me i'll be like...not happy, say ah?! im sure we can work sth out so tat we can become more emotionally closer n understand each other better...wont take long anyway... esp. when u get deep into a relationship...BOTH the couple will have fear when u go deep...like hello, RELATIONSHIP...just the word itself tells more than 1 involved...wat if both the ppl had the same fear...

    yesterday last exam...WOOHOO...was ok... went to dinner with the ladies at changi airport at popeyes (so damm hungry nearly became grumpy sia)... than talked abt stuff...was fun... i didn't really know that women can actually die when they have sex in worse case scenarios...tats damm sad ah!!!...like really really...for reasons alot so......hope all u ladies out there take care...esp the 1s in the pic above...oh n make love with a true man...not with a boy or a beast... tat aside operation metamorphosis has begun...i find that i am in a way...very fake...cuz how i feel good n loving on the inside but doesn't reflect on the outside...i realise im a walking piece of johari window...now ic better on my identity issue...cuz i negligent on meself...not anymore...so  i wanna lose weight cuz tis not how i rmb my body be like{where's your six pack dei, sergent? (o_0)"} and shall do sth abt my hair...become more me... i realise amidst the toil of life face...