It is our choices that we make, that show us what we are, far more than our abilities.

 note to self* mistakes...... who ever knew they would have the power to hunt you  till your last breath  till you feel soo much pain its even hard to breathe till the shame overtakes your system and drowns you downwards, towards the gates of hell till the guilt makes you feel like your actually living in hell whenever you remember it  whenever something triggers it why were you soo stupid? why did you go thru soo much bullshit? and all for wat? so tat you end up cut up in fragmented parts? never here nor there never a sinner or a saint but forgiving oneself, is such an impossible pain  that there is no salvation or freedom from such a chain death might only bring abt more wicked suffering over wat had already happened, its no use lying or crying no use regretting only good thing is you don't stop praying asking for mercy but you don't know whether god is being forgiving which is really scar-ing which is really frightening so u do...

yesterday was the last day of school...im gonna miss all the fun, laughter n joy we had...we saw each other back in march and got each other together as friends...than we saw each other change and there was no going back to the way things were for all of us... i became more human...more me...more congruent...less pain more happy... most importantly more smarter... there were times more turbulent than a roller-coaster... there were times when i was depressed as memories repressed  surfaced at a such an impressing fashion... slowly, painfully, steadily i worked on myself and got good feedback from ppl ard me... now i feel good!!im no longer the way i was... my new found love is proof of that cuz she's a treasure trove... now lies ahead exams...my last chance to get As... for we only have 1 life, 1 shot n 1 god... i'll do it...consider it done!! on a side note...got bitten by a fucking cat today... i dont have anything against cats in fact i loovvvee cats!! but...

haha...tats a pic of a gift my friend gave me for xmas... it says "ive always wanted to be a procrastinator. i just never got around to it". i know i have changed but i never really realised just how much...till she gave it to me... in sec 2 or so i wasnt like tis...i was an untrustworthy person who didnt know how to takecare of other ppl's tings n would not keep any promises n WORSE will forget things/ppl/n thier promises... also i would put things off to the last minute n let the work load pile up...n would never contribute properly or at all in grp work being extremely lazy...wont even attend ncc trainings fairly as well...and grades?...last few in class...homework?...n i'll be like "wat homework?" tats the kinda bump i was...no life...no goals...no motivation...no nth!!  just an empty shell taking up precious space and resources society would rather do without... but now...wow!!...esp. this year...been so healing, helpful, insightful and im...

well...welcome to my zone...heres a song... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vuBCtR9huOY&NR=1 YESTERDAY WAS SOOO FREAKING AWESOME!! a day to remember a day soo fun  a day tat much happier a day under the sun magically, tis is happening so mysteriously no 1 knows the reason why,its happening so truly secretly if tis ain't fate i dont know wat it is wat are the odds only knows, the lord O M G!! lets run thru life on the edge of the knife into a world filled with healing, love and joy, lets dive see where tis takes us we all want to be loved n love back so thus... im soo bad @ directions... but i tink we're stuck with each other 4 the rest of our remaining emotions tat is always there, till our last breath lessens lets go thru life together n learn its lessons tis so new  n i really like u i've seen alot of others in life  but your part of the few who can be as crazy as me so lets make this bloom, just we like the beat tat go...

well...welcome to my zone...read my post with the song on... today's post is abt her... tats my MOM!! short n cute huh?... (tink tats y im attracted to kawaii ppl/things/girls) she's gone to india to visit relatives (whoever they are) and will only be back on jan next year...meanwhile i got the whole place to myself...she's not your usual kinda mom...she's...well...my lovely mom... when i was 0 to 6 years old i was the classic definition of a  mommy's boy...i was securely attached...im glad n tankful to have had the comfort n security needed to grow up in tis world even though it wasn't much.... when i was in K2 i tink i rmber i waz a timid kid...always clinging on to mom seeing big dogs, ppl fighting and gangs clashing. mental patients wondering around. snakes and ppl who did substance abuse ard, n ppl suiciding with blood and guts splattered ard... my school was only under the block (PAP kinder-garden school)......i was afraid to go to scho...