It is our choices that we make, that show us what we are, far more than our abilities.

http://news.sg.msn.com/article.aspx?cp-documentid=3553853 an interesting story...tats all i'll say...is sad in a way... yayayayayayayayayayaya ok im gonna blog abt sth VERY serious... family had a very big fight just afew dayz back...again...mostly between my bro n dad...wat did i do?...i just studied/analysed/obsevered...like automatic ready sia...but here is some very serious...least to me...shit i found out... see MOM n DAD married over 32 years...there were court cases and extreme tensions always existing between em...in short...BOTH dont knoe how to resolve diff. and manage emotion...so... MOM N DAD dont knoe = BIG sis dont knoe= BIG bro dont knoe= MEEEE dont knoe= sis dont knoe= niece dont knoeee... wat exactly i dont know? 1. emotions and its management and appropriate application 2. love between 2 ppl...as i never see mom or dad F.A.S.T love 4 each other... 3. mom? 4. dad? solution? f or 1. i lucky to be the black sheep of the family...actually a black sheep doesnt exsist.....

okokokokokokok... see i ALWAYS talk abt work these dayz... lets drop the beat for a moment... let me talk abt myself... my name according to my IC is MOHAMED RAFI BIN ABDUL JAMEEL...im 18 tis year... i love: to run to play basketball to watch movieees to watch animeeee to freestyle(i still damm bad at it thru)!!! to write poems, riddles, songs, stories to train... to mediatate...but nowadayz havent :(...now ic lately why i've been losing my center...damm to play the ocarina..i need to get a new 1 cuz i broke mine :( to play GAMES...all kinda games...life is a game... :) to EAT!!!...yaaa but...can affect my fitness...haiz... to study...as well as to study ppl...anaylse...hehe... can really get me into trouble sths to make origami... to listen to MUSIC!!!...esp rap and hip-hop... to zikir...prayer la... to gaze at the moon... to surf the net!! to TALK!!! to solve probs... to joke and goof ard... TO MAKE PPL LAUGH!!! to wonder ponder think deeply abt all kind of things to sit in the p...

time to blog, firstly, ignore my last post...it's pathetic...i realize tat when it comes to matters like these...im still not able to take the next step...or when i come close to it...i step back...those of u who know my past...esp ppl like RAJ...hehe...think would understand... secondly,i wish u would all STOP asking me to get a galfren...wt_ man...these dayz tats all i hear abt frm ppl...when i ask to know why...all i get is...your good guy...your hard to find...your this n your tat..my......i know u all mean good and well for me...there's aso some1 i kinda fancy but i dont know... but PLEASE let me take my own pace ah...all my life...to get any F______ thing tat i ever wanted never happened long enough to last... aft a while it sorta starts to itch on u and try to make u believe that u wont get wat u want...but i know better...tats where the diff. lies...after all those who succeeded once probably failed more than twice first... u all don't understand...even if i did wan...

some truth abt my life... this poem is sad cuz it might not work out but over u...im still mad...... i swear tat I'll be there to catch every tear, even if it becomes rare I'll be with u support and encourage u give u stability like a foundation to life, see? through all our sorrows and all the pain I'll be the one tat u can blame for your love will be the payment i gain when your down think of me n we'll be bound of a bond tats sounds so deep and cannot be found think of me and all the funny moments slowly the times we fought and the moments we forgot im not superman this is all i am this might be all tat i can whenever the tiredness and work creeps into my bone, your like the BEST memory to make me feel light and free even though we might never be to try n die is better than to lie and cry till your dry so dont ask why or deny how i fly whatever is meant to be in the end we will work it out happily for tomorrow, today play hard, study smart for we will fly away anothe...

yo freaks very exhausting day today... fasting, Trina stay calm and collected as im sick is not tat easy anymore... annnnnd...Trina finish my PI report asap as i have to do another one on ABP... the DEADlines r pretty close with PI on 31th and ABP on 2nd... im really worried on ABP...PI is almost done.. Anyways to make myself feel better i browsed thru my private poem collection only meant for tat special some1 whom I've yet to find... but here's a very basic glimpse... sorry if u don't understand them and their complexities if any... Indeed did god create mankind but not as a singularity, One cannot live while the other is not present, One cannot leave while the other hasn't gone past, One cannot breathe while the scent of the other lingers, One cannot perceive itself an entity while the other is around, Indeed together are we destined to be & indeed to god shall we return free -----------------------------------------heres another----------------------------------...

today 1st day of fasting sia... i wake up at 4:45 and again at 10 sia sleepy sia... still went to make IC at ICA sia... but wat sia...i forgot my BC sia... sial la...i oni reali-sia, at the doorstep of the building sia... i stuPID, turn to went back home to get sia.. even though 2 day saturday got 2 of my sistas at home who can bring it to me sia... wat sia..i didnt think of it till halfway back sia... than i call see "how la" sia... than my sis say, "ok la" sia... so i quickly turn back la sial... (i sound like maat sia) lucky just in time time sia... i go fill in documen la sia, miss the que no. as i too busy filling in sia... than tis cute mena sia, ask me my cue no. and ask me cum sia... (sounds so wrong sia) alamack i fasting sia... cannot think like tat la sia... but but i notice her and her frens all sia... checking me out b4 callig me sia... but ok ah...than sial la... the photo i bring in my wallet cannot use sia... the aunty at the there say got reflection...

Dare to dream to be able to be at the top of the cream today was presentation day... thank god is over... we all did pretty good i think... very on target... funny...my whole life flashed b4 my eyes... every shit i been thru, every hurt and every issue... but it it's beautiful...just to realise how far i'll come... i managed to mange myself and managed everything quite well... still cant help but wonder...just how far from the curve can i get ahead from...comparing me to other guys.. my life will go on...no matter how many ppl come into it and go from it... no matter the changes or the situations...i will care becuz i dare...face all and their stares...for tat is the only constant which is true..the only constant is it me or u?... im going to embark into deeper waters and find and erase more of my insecurities and fears...for 1 day i would be a better man than how i am today...promise...i have never done anything real or significant for me except take tis course after all that ...

time to blog... grinding my nose Trina do my best to do all my assignments...got strong distractions sometimes...in all kinda forms some more...but i always pull through...its already me to do tat...glad to know now tat i actually enrolled in the best psychology diploma in Singapore...and i didn't even realize it... ok ok too tired to blog ready...latter...

BAN-KAI!!! hehe... lots of very interesting stuff happened the past few dayz... i found out tat the more different, dysfunctional(family) or crazy u are the more u tend to use both sides of the brain... translation = u r smarter... hehe...just a few dayz ago i was still wishin that " wat if i was normal" kinda shit...no more!!... i really am gonna leave my mark on this world...somehow...someway... gearing up now...watch my 6... working on my reports as deadlines are coming soon...lol...when i word it like that it sounds like a movie tats "coming soon"... how many months since i started psychology...damm glad i did... see nowadays not like b4...now i'm happier...now i matter...now i know... tats like the kinda shit tat will scare the shit out of every1...i know...*grins slyly*... better of now...different...more perceptive...more me...more calm...more smart... feel great...really great... i look at the past like a done task... ya...and only halfway thru the cours...

today is a must blog day...lots of interesting stuff happened...see firstly was awaken by mom loudly asking me to clean my room as grandma...another power women in the family with other visitors from uncle's family was coming tmr...so than was cleaning the room bro called...his organization charity thingy in m'laysia brought a booth fully stainless steel for 7k supposedly.he said not even 2 weeks kenna rust in big amounts...as i study design and technology b4 i am very d.i.y so i immediately knew they kenna cheated...he came home we talk like we do when we solving problem and he went to go solve it...solution being full refund and find another supplier... than my sis(17) and niece(10) went for an all out face book war with each other on some game in face book...haiz...new technology breds new probs i guess... than i went out to my fav. ponngol river to do self-reflection...damm nice place...environment perfect...nice breeze no ppl can even shout and scream n no 1 will knoe hehe...

hehehe...time to bloggy...TGIF...is so as i want to focus on personal issues get some shit clear and try and finish my assignments... okay...lets see...had very interesting week with the last part bein MOST INTERESTING...see had an insight with the girls zura, suhila, sabrina, jannah, didi and wei tin on BGR from their pespective is very interesting how it all happened...i found new perspective on some of the theories tat i AREADY learned... i think its high time i fix myself up...starting with bare basic childhood...as some of u might know i had a very rough childhood growing up filled with adversity everywhere. I'll decided to take the challenges of psychology head on...i want...i want to...see its a part of me to want to overcome me and its very daring...tis constitutes part of who i am...I'm doing it...I'm changing...believe it im not a kid...never was in the first place being far ahead of my peers my age in terms of maturity tanks to the past shit i went thru n bloody ...

ok quick update...see we did the ink blob test as well as the perception test (the 1 on the 2 ladies)was fun...abit shocking..i saw a robot a demon a being that said to me..."immortality awaits" as it was my inner potential...the lady had many details in her which got a lot of stuff like the time (1:20) a mask the same person 1 old 1 new a globe tis test was to gradually stop oni seeing wat i want to see...ok done fullstop no more qns rite?...NICE!!!

update update update see past 2 days and today all i ever did was stay in my room and work and work to finish my assignments... I LOVE IT!!!... like a butterfly...going thru a metamorphosis from an ugly worm to a dazzling flutter of wings!!!...tmr i have no sch but i'll go to sch cuz i need to do survey on students to find out abt the diff. opinions on leadership...to say in short... 1 fine day all my hard work will pay-off & i will become the best there is... there would be & there ever waz...for i carry on the will of many people tat have tried to make it but really couldn't no matter wat they tried to do... simply put...i will do it n be the best...or die trying... MUHHH-HAHAHA-HAHAHAHAHAaa!! ! my time might be short anyway...so... guess i'll live life to the best of my abilities... i do ponder on the possibilities of having a girlfriend again... i would be in denial if i say tat thought didnt cross my mind...but... FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE...ITS GOING TO BE ABT ME!!!...